How to Break Up with Your Apartment

In the same way you come to realize that your latest flame is fizzling out, and it just isn't going to work, you can also realize that your love affair with your new place is also extinguished. After living in an apartment for a while, it can become obvious that something just isn't working. The same can be said of a city or a country, but that is another matter.

It will be unmistakable to your apartment as well. You stop inviting friends over. You are less eager to come home after work. The liberal and loud cursing that comes forth every time you hit your head on open kitchen cabinet doors or stub your toe on the bed frame.

It becomes clear to both you and your apartment. It is time to break things off and start over with someplace new.

So one evening, you sit down and talk. You look around your apartment, and state the obvious. “This isn't working.” There is no denying that. Maybe it can be fixed? “No. No, I'm sorry. But it can't be fixed. We just don't suit each other.” I see. “It's not you. It's me.” Really? “No. I lied. It is you. I keep hitting my head on those damn cabinet doors. There isn't enough space for my bed and I keep stubbing my toe. I even broke one!” Fine then! Leave! I don't need you! “I didn't mean to make you angry. I hope you can find someone who appreciates you. And I will find a place that suits me better.” No response. The apartment gives you the cold shoulder. The heating doesn't seem to want to work.

The complication, though, is the moving on part. In dating, when you break things off, you do not need to immediately move on to someone new. Yes, it would be ideal to have a rebound waiting in the wings ready to step in. But not essential. It is possible to be single. However, it is very unpleasant to be homeless. You have to move from one place to another as seamlessly as possible. Any gap between rental contracts results in homelessness. Any overlap results in double rent payments.

Meanwhile, the tension in your apartment increases tenfold. Your current place knows you are looking for somewhere new. The discomfort and awkwardness is palpable. It's like living with a lover while dating new prospects.

Finally, to everyone's relief a new place has been found. It is shiny and new and the possibilities are endless. You are full of hope. But there is still moving day to get through...