Mondays

Mondays exist for one reason, and one reason only: to make us realize we are human and fallible. That is all they are there for. I cannot imagine anything else.

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am a child riding a two-wheeler for the first time. The excitement of removing the training wheels. The steadying hand of a parent as they guide you those first, few cautious feet. And then suddenly, as you gain confidence and begin to really pedal hard, "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" Only to look up and crash into the trash cans or whatever first obstacle you encounter. I have the feeling that I am doing this over and over, particularly on Mondays.

Today I made a strong and confident start to the week. I was well rested and ready to rock. I slept well over the weekend, took good care of myself, and I even made it to the gym. Nice. This morning, the alarm went off, I meditated, I did my breathing exercises, ate breakfast, and brushed my teeth. Feeling good and focused. I got dressed, did my makeup, looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. Awesome. Let's do this! I ran out the door and missed the bus. Damn. But no big deal. Another one will come. And it did. Instead of getting bent out of shape and ruining my mood, I smiled and moved on. Kick ass. Growth. Improving.

I got to the office and started my day. Then I was really on top of things. Organizing. Emailing. Ordering. Arranging drop offs and pick ups. Email Ninja! Hiya! Shipments Attack! I was connecting people and getting work done. I was filing off questions for people in other departments. I was on top of it all. I was flying and feeling good. I felt strong, powerful, capable, and like I was really getting the hang of things. Finally.

And with one click. One careless, mindless, silly little click. I killed it all. And then some. I didn't just crash into the trash cans. I crashed into the house and somehow caused it to explode.

I still cannot even fathom what one click has done. I knew better than to open that file. I knew better. But I did. And now have to stand up tall and clean up my mess. This isn't my first one. 

Here's the thing that is driving me crazy. Every time I notice a weak point, I shore up my defenses. I create check lists and to do lists. All the steps needed to avoid careless mistakes in the future. All the things I need to keep myself physically and mentally healthy. I have step by step procedures for most tasks/projects/routines that are my responsibility. How to cross-check and re-reference. I have goal sheets and task lists. I work hard to make sure I look at each detail that needs my attention. I try to take my human error out of the process. Do I really need to do that with opening emails now? Do I really need a procedure to walk myself step by step through the perils of opening emails?

To be quite honest, I am not sure where to go from here. 

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