Fear is a Liar. Fear tells us all kinds of stories, none of which are true. Fear wears masks and has disguises. It transforms itself to squeeze in the smallest, darkest, empty spaces. It lives in the stories we tell ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves about how we will never be good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, brave enough, tall enough, or anything enough to deserve what we want.
Each and every one of us has something we want. And each of us fears that we never be x, y, and z enough to ever get it.
I want to be a writer.
Fear has kept me from saying that aloud or in a public forum.
I've been afraid to fail at something that I love. I've been afraid to make a fool of myself publicly failing at what I love. I've been afraid that I'm not good enough to do what I love. I've been afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone. My comfort zone where my career enables me to pay my bills, travel, and enjoy creature comforts.
I've been afraid to pick a project and stick with it. What if I pick the wrong one? I've been afraid that my first novel will be the wrong novel. That fear has been swimming in my head for a long while now, and suddenly I realized something, which was illustrated with beauty and humor on the 1990s sitcom 'Dharma and Greg.'
"Greg - You spend your whole life climbing a mountain and you finally get to the top and realize after all these years you been climbing the wrong mountain.
Dharma - Honey, mountains can't be wrong. They're just mountains. "
Personally, I have never heard a mountaineer arrive to the top of a mountain and say, "Damn it! I meant to climb that other one!" Climbing any mountain generates experience and builds strength.
In the same vain, there is no wrong project, wrong career, wrong novel, wrong relationship, wrong anything. Everything we do climbing the so-called 'wrong mountain' builds strength and experience that can be carried over to another playing field, to the 'right mountain.'
Today, I began the day searching for guidance. How could I become a writer? a novelist? How could I become unstuck. I stumbled upon a lovely little book called, "You are a Writer" by Jeff Goins. He delivers simple, impactful wisdom along with practical advice. Part of what I gained was just a simple thought - build a platform where you share what you find beautiful in the world. Share your art.
For those of you familiar with this page, that is precisely what I have been doing for the last year.
The question of how could I become a writer was null. Invalid. I already am one.
I think many of us, if we open our eyes, will come to realize that we already are what we are trying to be.
Today, I declare myself what I always have been - Sarah Veyland, writer.