Sunday morning began quiet, peaceful, slow, easy. But quickly exploded into a frenzy of emotion and excitement.
I've always been a look before you leap kind of person. Check, double check, and check again. Plan, schedule, execute. Just follow the plan and nobody gets hurt. This has led to a pretty safe life. Not a boring one. My life has not been boring. Far from it. But it has been relatively safe. Risk free. When everything goes according to plan, there are no surprises. I have been on a straight and narrow path. I have followed advice, common sense, the common good, and the steps set out before me. This has led to a good life, an interesting life, a full life, but not my life. It is the recommended life. Not mine.
So I have set forth to change it. But still. This change has gone softly, slowly, gently. Step by step. Toeing the line here or there. Doing the practical thing of saving as much as possible. Preparing utterly and completely for every contingency that may arise the day I quit my job and change my life. Again, following the 'quit your job handbook and guidelines.'
Those who love me seek to protect me from pain, from damage, from hunger, from hurt.
There are so many people in our lives telling us what is good for us. Teachers, doctors, parents, siblings, governments, friends, lawyers, lovers, lovers who may be lawyers, and so on. They all feel a need to guide us. For the most part, they do this out of a sense of responsibility and a need to protect. For the most part, they do this out of love.
But there comes a time when a life can no longer be lived for others. There comes a time when the inner voice must speak. We can take in all this information. Process it. But the ultimate action belongs to the individual alone. The ultimate action belongs to me alone.
I've been wanting to do a yoga retreat for some time now. Sunday morning I recommenced my several month search for a yoga retreat. I stumbled by chance upon a yoga retreat led by a yoga teacher who has inspired me and pushed my yoga practice further and further. I've only attended a live class with her once. Otherwise, I've followed on YouTube (Yoga with Adriene). That is saying something. A yoga teacher so wonderful you don't even need to meet her to progress in your practice.
Now. When I saw the information for the retreat there were two voices. The practical voice said 'You are supposed to use your savings to transition into a new job. You don't know when you'll have more income coming in. You cannot splurge on a trip for no reason. You've been working so hard to save. Why would you go and throw your money away now. Besides. It's in Nicaragua. Where is Nicaragua? Do you really want to go there? You'll be kidnapped.' But my voice whispered, 'yes. yes. yes. This is right. This is it. Go. Go now.' It took twenty-five minutes between seeing the listing and making the booking. That's all.
I've ignored that tiny, whispering voice for too long. Maybe this was not the practical thing to do. But it was the right thing to do.
This is post is not to say that we should all fly off to destinations unknown at a moment's notice. That is not feasible. Nor reasonable.
It is to say that we should all listen to that inner voice. That one that whispers from your heart. The one that gets lost along the way as we listen to what everyone else has to say.