Radical Self Trust

‘Mother knows best.’

‘Listen to your father.’

‘Respect your elders.’

These are the phrases we hear growing up.

And yes, to some extent, they are true. Our parents, our caregivers, have greater experience and know more than we do. They can show us the pitfalls they have plummeted into, how to avoid them. Where the rocks and steppingstones in the river of life are in order to safely traverse difficult terrain. I do not discount in any way the wisdom of our elders. Their songs. Their stories. How their words can guide us through life.

But also.

I believe each individual is born with an inherent wisdom. A personal inner wisdom. A wisdom that makes one person a great artist and another a great athlete. Skills and talents that a person is inherently coded with in their DNA. As a child develops, they show natural inclinations, they are drawn to certain toys more than others. They are drawn to certain stories, certain topics in school, more than others. This is their personal wisdom that shows where their talents lie.

But caregivers, parents, teachers, the world at large do not always encourage these talents. For one reason or another they do not notice, do not tend to, or ignore altogether the talents of the child in their care. There is the idea of creating a ‘well rounded’ child instead of tending to a child’s unique abilities. I have always found this strange. People generally are not well rounded. They are lopsided. It is rare to be equally gifted in sciences and languages and math. A personally generally leans to one area. It is unnatural to force their focus in a circle to be equal in all topics when they have a natural proclivity to one or two, not six or eight. By making someone well rounded they become mediocre in all topics rather than strong in their natural one.

There are also parents who want their children to fulfil a goal they never achieved or got to pursue. This superimposes a parent’s inner knowing overtop of their child’s. A child wanting to please their parent, to receive their love and praise, erases their inner knowing to try to accept their parent’s knowing for them.

Organized religion also instructs us to not trust our own inner knowing. Instead, adherents to a religion are taught to follow the leader of their congregation, the rules in a book, their parents, and for women they should follow their spouse. One religion that is quite popular in the United States instructs women to ‘die to yourself’ and supersede what is natural to them with their spouse’s instructions, their church’s teachings. A guru will do the same thing. He will instruct you in the ways of the spiritual tradition he follows and will tell you that he is a channel for wisdom. That you as a novice cannot possibly know. That a novice cannot possibly receive the wisdom of the deity or know what is best for them. The guru also supersedes their will overtop of their followers’.

Quite quickly, a person’s individual inner knowing is lost due to their socialization as a child and the instructions they receive as an adult.

As a result, every choice in life requires a group consensus. We’ve all been there. We ask friends, ‘What do you think?’. We scour the internet for advice. We listen to podcasts. Sometimes in desperation we ask perfect strangers. We are so used to asking everyone around us instead of looking inward and asking ourselves. It feels impossible to decide, especially the important decisions, without first asking everyone you know.

Should I stay with my boyfriend? Should I dump my girlfriend? Which job should I take? Where should I live?

All of this becomes impossible to decide.

We’ve been conditioned, especially women, not to trust ourselves. So the act of trusting our decision without consulting anyone else - that is a radical act.

One of the keys to these decisions is the illusion of a choice being something that needs to be chosen logically. Instead of looking inward and using the wisdom that we have from childhood and knowing. There is a difference between a decision and following one’s inner knowing.

This powerful knowing is similar to how our cells work. Cells don’t need to be told their function. They are created knowing their function. A cell inherently knows it is a blood cell or a liver cell or a brain cell. It does its function. It replicates itself. It repairs itself. Damaged cells are discarded to be replaced by new cells. Our cells are constantly working to repair and fix. Our cells want us to be healthier and better. Our cells know what is best for us. Our cells don’t make choices, they know.

Children know how to do this. If you ever have seen a child grabbing what it wants, it does so decisively. They don’t do it by committee. They don’t ask for a group consensus if this is right or not. If this is the next right step. They fling themselves forward with the hope and trust that their feet or their parent will catch them and grab exactly what they want. Children follow their inner knowing inherently. Children know their function just as their cells inside them know their functions. It is only later that children forget.

So what is Radical Self Trust? Radical Self Trust is returning to the inner wisdom and knowing that we are all born with. It is accepting that you know your truth, your wisdom, your path better than anyone else. It is the practice of looking inwards for an answer before looking anywhere else. It is the process of abandoning living by group consensus. This is not easy. We have been conditioned and socialized to accept others’ words, plans, ideas as true for us. So returning to our own truth requires a great deal of work. But, personally, I believe the work is worth it.

Instead of living a mediocre life of consensus to what everyone else thinks is right for you, you can live a fulfilling life of what is right for you.